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----------------------------Original message----------------------------
This letter has been an "urban legend" circulating the Internet for
several years. I saw a copy of it when I worked at the Office of the
Smithsonian Institution Archives. While I question its veracity, the
Smithsonian (especially the National Museum of Natural History) does have
a long, sometimes funny, history of receiving many letters from the
public requesting help in identifying specimens and objects. While this
letter is a bit far fetched in the extent of its reply, I have seen
others that are just as gracious and polite. The Institution has
historically taken its mission as a public institution as an important
part of it's overall operations. The Encyclopedia Smithsonian at
http://www.si.edu/resource/faq/start.htm is a great example of this.
Lynn M. Wojcik [log in to unmask]
Information Analyst
Northern Light Technology LLC
222 Third Street Suite 1320
Cambridge, MA 02142
http://www.nlsearch.com
06:45 PM 5/13/98 EDT, you wrote:
>----------------------------Original
message----------------------------
>Mary, this post appeared recently on the music librarians' list-serv.
>I thought it might be interesting and amusing to art librarians as
well.
>Suzy Frechette
>St. Louis Public Lib.
>*****************************************************************
>
>I am forwarding the following letter from the Smithsonian Institution
>as an example of how they graciously acknowledged an unwanted gift. I
>send it to the list because in our profession we also get unwanted
>items. It may also be good for a laugh. Bill Shank CUNY Grad Scl
>(ret)
>
>The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball who
> digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the
> Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting
> that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and
> does this in his spare time! Anyway... here's the actual response
from
> the Smithsonian Institute. Bear this in mind next time you think you
> are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in
> writing.
> _________________________________________________________________
>> Smithsonian Institute
>> 207 Pennsylvania Avenue
>> Washington, DC 20078
>> Dear Sir:
>> Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
>> "93211-D,layer seven, next to the clothesline post, Hominid skull."
>> We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination,
> and regret
>> to
>> inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents
conclusive
>> proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million
years
>> ago.
>> Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie
doll,
>> of
>> the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be
>> "Malibu
>> Barbie."
>> It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the
analysis
>> of
>> this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are
>> familiar
>> with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction
with
>> your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of
physical
>> attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its
modern
>> origin:
>> 1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are
typically
>> fossilized bone.
>> 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic
>> centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest
identified
>> proto-homonids.
>> 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with
the
>> common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating
Pliocene
>> clams
>> you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
>> This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses
you
>> have
>> submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence
seems to
>> weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
let
>> us say that:
>> 1. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has
>> chewed on.
>> 2. Clams don't have teeth.
>> It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
request
>> to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy
load
>> our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon
>> dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To
the
>> best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD,
and
>> carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.
>> Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National
Science
>> Foundation Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your
specimen
>> the
>> scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I,
for
>> one,
>> fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but
was
>> ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was
hyphenated,
>> and
>> didn't really sound like it might be Latin in origin.
>> However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating
>> specimen
>> to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is,
>> nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work
you
>> seem to
>> accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director
has
>> reserved
>> a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you
have
>> previously submitted to the Institute, and the entire staff
speculates
>> daily on
>> what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have
discovered
>> in
>> your back yard.
>> We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
proposed
>> in
>> your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay
for
>> it. We
>> are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories
>> surrounding
>> the trans-positating illifitation of ferrous ions in a structural
matrix
>> that
>> makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently
>> discovered
>> take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman
automotive
>> crescent wrench.
>> Yours in Science,
>> Harvey Rowe
>> Curator, Antiquities
>>
>
>
