On Wed, Mar 16, 2016 at 12:39 PM, Raymond Smith <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

Now that you're back from the Seattle conference and all that hard work and fun, I thought you all might appreciate a few light moments of relief, gleaned from descriptions by book vendors and others found on ABE and E-Bay. I think some of the misdescribed entries occasionally encountered on World Cat might be worth a look, but they are not quite so hilarious, so I'll leave that up to the professional bibliographers among us. (My comments are in parentheses).

Ray Smith
R.W. Smith Bookseller
New Haven

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Overblown book descriptions Number 3 (Found on ABE, E-Bay and elsewhere)

A BEAUTIFUL VOLUME THAT WOULD LOOK GREAT IN THE BOOKCASE BUT ESPECIALLY NICE LAYING FLAT.

(I‛d probably have to stretch my neck a bit, but I‛ll try it)

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Limited to 1600 Copies Only. Xviii + 535 pp., over 1,500 ills of which 60 are cold.

(I‛d still prefer one of the hot ones)

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TEXT IN SWISS - BRIGHT RED LINEN CLOTH, WITH ILLUSTRATED DUST JACKET.

(My favorite language)

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Book description found on ABE:
VERY GOOD. FIRST EDITION. 0894790234 ". these women are possessions. They are the beautiful, expensive objects that furnish the rich man's life and amuse him during the long hours of his leisure. They are passing shadows, never meaning too much or staying too long in on man's life: wjem tjeor neaitu jas ceased to please they are replaced by other jewelled butterflies." This is a very good first edition book.

(As are those jewelled butterflies, neaitu jas?)

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Book Offered on the same site by the same vendor:
1. Early children's books and their illustration (ISBN: 0875980511 / 0-87598-051-1)
Pierpont Morgan Library
Quantity Available: 1
Book Description: Pierpont Morgan Library. Paperback. Book Condition: Used: Good. Price $10.25

2. Early children's books and their illustration (ISBN: 0875980511 / 0-87598-051-1)
Pierpont Morgan Library
Quantity Available: 1
Book Description: Pierpont Morgan Library. Paperback. Book Condition: Used: Very Good. Price: $151.94

(The price of “very” is now $141.69 and rising)

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Book is in very good shape, but was considerably underlined in light pencil. It might be possible to read it without noticing any underling now, but you would eventually be aware it had been done.

(You might watch your back for the underling, he‛s not always in front of you)

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1. An illustrated guide to tattoo.. . . TAJ Books International LLP, 2011. Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved; tight, bright, clean and especially sharp-cornered.

2. Clarice Bean, guess who’s babysitting? Candlewick Press, 2011. Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved; tight, bright, clean and especially sharp-cornered.

(Surprising indeed that books published as far back as 2011 are so well-preserved. It must be those sharp corners, a decidedly positive asset in books about tattoos and babysitters)

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WARNING:

Book Condition: Very Good. Like new except for small rup in jacket Used books may come from a household where smoking cats eat peanuts. We don't know. and the items do not come wit a medical chart. With other words: We can not support or prevent your allergies. If in doubt - buy new - returns of USED items will NOT be accepted anymore for the reason: Smells of smoke, or similar.

(a “rup”? Wit due respect)

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(Useful information when buying a book, No. 1. On the importance of association copies):

A crisp/clean and scarce item. This was bought-in by us recently from the estate of the church architect Janet Gnosspelius, of the elite student group at the Liverpool School of Architecture, also daughter of the sculptress Barbara Collingwood and the geologist Oscar Gnosspelius. The fly leaf bears her ownership signature. Most members of the interrelated Collingwood and Gnosspelius families played inspirational parts in Arthur Ransome's writings. Arthur Ransome had once proposed to Janet's mother, without success, but he still dedicated Old Peter's Russian Tales (1916) to her. Janet modelled for the drawing of Nancy Blackett of the Swallows and Amazons books.

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(Limitations thrown to the wind):

Hardbound, limited to 100 copies of which this is copy #207

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(Dust jacket fever?):

Hardcover. Book Condition: Good. Dust Jacket Condition: good. First printing. SIGNED. . . . First edition, 1972. Cloth hardcover in dust jacket, unpaginated, illustrated (some in color), clean unmarked text, Good copy in Good dust jacket, dust jacket attached to dust jacket, soiling or discoloration to the outer pages, wear to the covers of the book, soil and discoloration to the dust jacket, rubbing and wear to the dust jacket including tearing and loss. Relevant items laid in

(as relevant as those two jackets attached to each other?)

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This book is in good shape; spine ends & corners chipped, edgeworn, boards & textblock edges lightly soiled, front board cracked at gutter, rear board starting, bookplate to front pastedown, small ink stamp to half title page & preface, previous owner's name to front free endpaper, half title page & front blank, tissue paper at frontis piece missing, tiny chip to table of contents page, pages 83, 84 + plate reglued, bottom corner of pages 115- 118 creased.

(i.e., “This book is in good shape”)

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Yes indeed, this 454 page beauty which contains 60 plates, being an increasingly well respected and energetically applauded offering it is proudly presented with great and well deserved hubris . . . in the publishers ORIGINAL binding. Said binding being magnificently ornate red gilt graphics and titles on blazing red cloth. And this baby is rock solid, tight and clean, AAA all the way, save for thwe very slightest rubs to corners and spine ends, totally unnoticeable. On the cover is a totally detailed gold embossed design of the facade of the museum, still bright. TEG and still bright also. Alas, when all is said and done and the proverbial geese have come home to nest or roost, or whatever, and you're ready to decide to invest some of your hard-earned cash in this lofty offering, please consider that this book does indeed have the four absolute uppermost qualities we. . . since 1931 have always sought, and demanded, in books: 1) excellence in content, 2) literary quality, 3) appealing design, and 4) significance of contribution. Another great altruistic offering opportunity for us and an even greater opportunity for self-actualized reception on your part. But enough of the lugubrious however allegorically wise jaw-jacking, enough said of the telluric parameters of select . . . offerings such as this one which take on a life of their own and speak so very loudly for themselves. Read to learn and enjoy; go forth to share and enjoin. Research, analysis, dissertation, lucubrations or just enjoyment, this is the one. ACTUAL BOOK FOR SALE PICTURED. PLEASE DOUBLE CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE. And even if you're not interested at this time, THANKS for looking!. Artsy Hardcover.

(You forgot to include the image of the actual book to double click on. Totally!)

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This book is shelved in the Art by Artist section of our retail store and may require extra shipping time.

(Translation: It may require extra time for us to find it)

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If held to the nose, it has a slight musty smell. At normal reading distance, it has no smell.

(Unless it’s someone else’s nose)

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Hardcover. Book Condition: POOR. A readable copy. Quite a bit of ear and creasing.

(For the earing impaired)

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(Information overload?)

Book Description: Book Condition: Used: Good. One of the Illustrated Handbooks of Practical Art 149 pp w/index, lots of Chinese exportPublisher: Sampson, Low, Marston Place of Publication: London/New York Date of Publication: 1883 Edition: 1st Am Edition Binding: Hardbound Condition: Stiff boards, ex-library, incredibly great line engraving illust Keywords: China/Japan, English, Corea/Korea, German/French Bookseller Inventory # PENNINK000393I

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1962 PRINTING CACKY CLOTH W/GOLD LETTERING HARDCOVER. FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL SKETCHES OF HANDSOME BLACK INDIVIDUALS THROUGHOUT.

(Cacky? or did you mean Tacky?)

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Edition limited to 100 copies of which 250 copies are signed.

(That signing pen did overtime)

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Book Condition: Used: Good. Publisher: The Art Guild Place of Publication: Farmington, CT Date of Publication: 1984 Binding: Wraps Condition: G+ to VG Bookseller Inventory # PENNINK008.

(Get me a decoder)

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Artists in the Residence Publisher: U.S. Government Place of Publication: Washington, D.C. Date of Publication: 2000 Binding: Wraps Condition: VG, shows work by Albers, Bourgeois, Chihuly, Morris Graves, etc <p&gt.

(It’s all very clear now - I was supposed to disregard the message in code: <br&gt)

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The red full cloth cover is great with gold lettering on 1" spine. Her famous bowl of flowers on title page and front cloth cover. Now.this is a Vintage copy dated 1032 and is in good condition with the orange / decorated title page.

(Was Gutenberg aware of this early printing?)

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A softcover in good condition that has bumped corners, cocked, scattered wrinkling, crease, stains, and chipping, tanning, and light shelf wear.

(Is that what you mean by “good”?)

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Synopsis: Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 For more than fifteen years, Jerry Siegel has been photographing southern artists.

(Jerry - I think you should thank this bookseller for that great introduction)

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Used: Good. GOOD - A solid reading copy with some wear. Ex-Library book with some library conventions, but clean overall. 100% Money Back Guarantee on all Items. We ship DAILY with free delivery confirmation. Choose expedited for FAST delivery. We believe in providing accurate grading on used books and excellent customer service. Thousands of satisfied customers. buy with confidence. 100% Money Back Guarantee on all Items. We ship DAILY with free delivery confirmation. Choose expedited for FAST delivery. We believe in providing accurate grading on used books and excellent customer service. Thousands of satisfied customers. buy with confidence. 100% Money Back Guarantee on all Items. We ship DAILY with free delivery confirmation. Choose expedited for FAST delivery. We believe in providing accurate grading on used books and excellent customer service. Buy with confidence!.

(We heard you the first time)

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Offered for sale on ABE: The House on the Klong: The Bangkok home and Asian Art Collection of James Thompson. Warren, Willam. Published by Walker/Weatherhill 1899-12-30 (1899) From: The Oregon Room - Well described books!

(You might want to check that publishing date, Well described books! and you might want to look into the spelling of Mr. Warren’s first name while you’re at it)

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Edge And Corner Wear. Top Of Spine Has A Finger Pull Tear. Hard Cover BooK: Very Good/, Shelf, Edge And Corner Wear. 193 Numbered Pages, Printed On White Paper, Browning From Aging, In Fine/ Condition, That Appear To Be Lightly Viewed, Clean And Tight To The Spine, Slight Shelf, Edge And Corner Wear. Dusty On Top. No Tears. No Odors. No Writing. No Names. No Stains. Description Applies To This BooK, Only. Acquired From The Estate Of Carl Bernstein & Roz Bernstein, Who Were Downsizing. Description Applies To This Book, Only. This BooK Is Hard To Find, Will Be Packaged And Shipped Carefully, To Avoid Shipping Damage And Will Make It, An Excellent Addition To Your Own Personal Library Collection, Or As A Gift. WORLD WIDE SHIPPING, AVAILABLE.

(Nice mix of capitals and lower case, especially that K in BooK. Repeating “Edge And Corner Wear” is also a nice touch)

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The End

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Sheila A. Cork

Librarian

New Orleans Museum of Art

City Park

1 Collins Diboll Circle

New Orleans, LA 70124

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504-658-4117