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I was thinking the same thing. I publish a free, hand fabricated zine, and would totally love to publish something like this. On Tue, May 20, 2014 at 11:53 AM, Joan Benedetti <[log in to unmask]>wrote: > Love this Ray. Seems like it might be the seed of a small limited edition > publication. --Joan > > > > *From:* ARLIS/NA List [mailto:[log in to unmask]] *On Behalf Of *Raymond > Smith > *Sent:* Tuesday, May 20, 2014 6:25 AM > *To:* [log in to unmask] > *Subject:* [ARLIS-L] Overblown book descriptions #3 > > > > For some time now I’ve been collecting book descriptions found while > browsing ABE, E-Bay and other on-line sites, inspired by the New Yorker‘s > Ho-Hums (quotes from out-of-the way newspaper articles and headlines, > followed or headed by New Yorker’s wry comment). > > Hopefully these will provide some chuckles. > > > > My comments appear in bold. As I’m not sure if the bold will come > through, to distinguish my comment from the original, I’ve placed the > original in quotation marks; any misspellings, e.g., rup for rip, wit for > with, are not mine. > > > > Ray Smith > > R.W. Smith Bookseller > > New Haven > > > > Here’s the new selection: > > > > “If held to the nose, it has a slight musty smell. At normal reading > distance, it has no smell.” > > *Unless it’s someone else’s nose.* > > > > ******************************************************************* > > *(For the earing impaired):* > > > > *“*Hardcover. Book Condition: POOR. A readable copy. Quite a bit of ear > and creasing.” > > > > ***************************************************************** > > > > *Dust jacket fever?* > > > > “Dust Jacket Condition: good. First printing. SIGNED. . . . First edition, > 1972. Cloth hardcover in dust jacket, unpaginated, illustrated (some in > color), clean unmarked text, Good copy in Good dust jacket, dust jacket > attached to dust jacket, soiling or discoloration to the outer pages, wear > to the covers of the book, soil and discoloration to the dust jacket, > rubbing and wear to the dust jacket including tearing and loss. Relevant > items laid in.” > > > > *********************************** > > > > *WARNING:* > > > > “Book Condition: Very Good. Like new except for small rup in jacket Used > books may come from a household where smoking cats eat peanuts. We don't > know. and the items do not come wit a medical chart. With other words: We > can not support or prevent your allergies. If in doubt - buy new - returns > of USED items will NOT be accepted anymore for the reason: Smells of smoke, > or similar.” > > > > > ********************************************************************************************** > > > > “1962 PRINTING CACKY CLOTH W/GOLD LETTERING HARDCOVER. FILLED WITH > BEAUTIFUL SKETCHES OF HANDSOME BLACK INDIVIDUALS THROUGHOUT.” > > > > *Cacky? Are you sure you did not mean TACKY?* > > > > **************************************************** > > > > *Useful information No. 3. The importance of association copies.* > > > > “A crisp/clean and scarce item. This was bought-in by us recently from the > estate of the church architect Janet Gnosspelius, of the elite student > group at the Liverpool School of Architecture, also daughter of the > sculptress Barbara Collingwood and the geologist Oscar Gnosspelius. The fly > leaf bears her ownership signature. Most members of the interrelated > Collingwood and Gnosspelius families played inspirational parts in Arthur > Ransome's writings. Arthur Ransome had once proposed to Janet's mother, > without success, but he still dedicated Old Peter's Russian Tales (1916) to > her. Janet modelled for the drawing of Nancy Blackett of the Swallows and > Amazons books.” > > > > *Do any of them know Kevin Bacon?* > > > > *********************************************************** > > > > *Two different books surprisingly alike:* > > > > 1. “An illustrated guide to tattoo.. . . TAJ Books International LLP, > 2011. Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved; tight, bright, clean > and especially sharp-cornered.“ > > > > 2. “Clarice Bean, guess who’s babysitting? Candlewick Press, 2011. > Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved; tight, bright, clean and > especially sharp-cornered.” > > > > *So well-preserved for books published as far back as 2011. It must be > those sharp corners that keep those tattooists and babysitters at bay.* > > > > > ******************************************************************************************** > > > > *Useful information no. 5:* > > > > “This book is shelved in the Art by Artist section of our retail store and > may require extra shipping time.” > > *Translation: It may require extra time for us to find it.* > > > > *********************************************************** > > > > *Useful information no. 7:* > > > > “Yes indeed, this 454 page beauty which contains 60 plates, being an > increasingly well respected and energetically applauded offering it is > proudly presented with great and well deserved hubris . . . in the > publishers ORIGINAL binding. Said binding being magnificently ornate red > gilt graphics and titles on blazing red cloth. And this baby is rock solid, > tight and clean, AAA all the way, save for thwe very slightest rubs to > corners and spine ends, totally unnoticeable. On the cover is a totally > detailed gold embossed design of the facade of the museum, still bright. > TEG and still bright also. Alas, when all is said and done and the > proverbial geese have come home to nest or roost, or whatever, and you're > ready to decide to invest some of your hard-earned cash in this lofty > offering, please consider that this book does indeed have the four absolute > uppermost qualities we. . . since 1931 have always sought, and demanded, in > books: 1) excellence in content, 2) literary quality, 3) appealing design, > and 4) significance of contribution. Another great altruistic offering > opportunity for us and an even greater opportunity for self-actualized > reception on your part. But enough of the lugubrious however allegorically > wise jaw-jacking, enough said of the telluric parameters of select . . . > offerings such as this one which take on a life of their own and speak so > very loudly for themselves. Read to learn and enjoy; go forth to share and > enjoin. Research, analysis, dissertation, lucubrations or just enjoyment, > this is the one. ACTUAL BOOK FOR SALE PICTURED. PLEASE DOUBLE CLICK ON > IMAGE TO ENLARGE. And even if you're not interested at this time, THANKS > for looking!. Artsy Hardcover. > > > > > ******************************************************************************************* > > > > > > *How to write a book description, lesson no. 1:* > > > > “Book Description: Book Condition: Used: Good. One of the Illustrated > Handbooks of Practical Art 149 pp w/index, lots of Chinese > export<p>Publisher: Sampson, Low, Marston<br>Place of > Publication: London/New York<br>Date of Publication: > 1883<br>Edition: 1st Am Edition<br>Binding: > Hardbound<br>Condition: Stiff boards, ex-library, incredibly great > line engraving illust<br>Keywords: China/Japan, English, Corea/Korea, > German/French<br><p> Bookseller Inventory # PENNINK000393I” > > > > ********************************************************** > > > > *good is preferable to poor, so buy it!:* > > > > “This book is in good shape; spine ends & corners chipped, edgeworn, > boards & textblock edges lightly soiled, front board cracked at gutter, > rear board starting, bookplate to front pastedown, small ink stamp to half > title page & preface, previous owner's name to front free endpaper, half > title page & front blank, tissue paper at frontis piece missing, tiny chip > to table of contents page, pages 83, 84 + plate reglued, bottom corner of > pages 115- 118 creased.” > > > > ******************************************************************** > > > > *Limitations thrown to the wind:* > > > > “Hardbound, limited to 100 copies of which this is copy #207” > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Mail submissions to [log in to unmask] For information about joining > ARLIS/NA see: http://www.arlisna.org/join.html Send administrative > matters (file requests, subscription requests, etc) to > [log in to unmask] ARLIS-L Archives and subscription maintenance: > http://lsv.arlisna.org Questions may be addressed to list owner (Judy > Dyki) at: [log in to unmask] > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > Mail submissions to [log in to unmask] For information about joining > ARLIS/NA see: http://www.arlisna.org/join.html Send administrative > matters (file requests, subscription requests, etc) to > [log in to unmask] ARLIS-L Archives and subscription maintenance: > http://lsv.arlisna.org Questions may be addressed to list owner (Judy > Dyki) at: [log in to unmask] > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mail submissions to [log in to unmask] For information about joining ARLIS/NA see: http://www.arlisna.org/join.html Send administrative matters (file requests, subscription requests, etc) to [log in to unmask] ARLIS-L Archives and subscription maintenance: http://lsv.arlisna.org Questions may be addressed to list owner (Judy Dyki) at: [log in to unmask] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~