For some time now I’ve been collecting book descriptions found while
browsing ABE, E-Bay and other on-line sites, inspired by the New Yorker‘s
Ho-Hums (quotes from out-of-the way newspaper articles and headlines, followed
or headed by New Yorker’s wry comment).
Hopefully these will provide some chuckles.
My comments appear in bold. As I’m not sure if the
bold will come through, to distinguish my comment from the original, I’ve placed
the original in quotation marks; any misspellings, e.g., rup for rip, wit
for with, are not mine.
Ray Smith
R.W. Smith Bookseller
New Haven
Here’s the new selection:
“If held to the nose, it has a slight musty smell. At normal reading
distance, it has no smell.”
Unless it’s someone else’s nose.
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(For the earing impaired):
“Hardcover. Book Condition: POOR. A readable copy. Quite a
bit of ear and creasing.”
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Dust jacket fever?
“Dust Jacket Condition: good. First printing. SIGNED. . . . First edition,
1972. Cloth hardcover in dust jacket, unpaginated, illustrated (some in color),
clean unmarked text, Good copy in Good dust jacket, dust jacket attached to dust
jacket, soiling or discoloration to the outer pages, wear to the covers of the
book, soil and discoloration to the dust jacket, rubbing and wear to the dust
jacket including tearing and loss. Relevant items laid in.”
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WARNING:
“Book Condition: Very Good. Like new except for small rup in jacket Used
books may come from a household where smoking cats eat peanuts. We don't know.
and the items do not come wit a medical chart. With other words: We can not
support or prevent your allergies. If in doubt - buy new - returns of USED items
will NOT be accepted anymore for the reason: Smells of smoke, or
similar.”
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“1962 PRINTING CACKY CLOTH W/GOLD LETTERING HARDCOVER. FILLED WITH
BEAUTIFUL SKETCHES OF HANDSOME BLACK INDIVIDUALS THROUGHOUT.”
Cacky? Are you sure you did not mean TACKY?
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Useful information No. 3. The importance of association
copies.
“A crisp/clean and scarce item. This was bought-in by us recently from the
estate of the church architect Janet Gnosspelius, of the elite student group at
the Liverpool School of Architecture, also daughter of the sculptress Barbara
Collingwood and the geologist Oscar Gnosspelius. The fly leaf bears her
ownership signature. Most members of the interrelated Collingwood and
Gnosspelius families played inspirational parts in Arthur Ransome's writings.
Arthur Ransome had once proposed to Janet's mother, without success, but he
still dedicated Old Peter's Russian Tales (1916) to her. Janet modelled for the
drawing of Nancy Blackett of the Swallows and Amazons books.”
Do any of them know Kevin Bacon?
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Two different books surprisingly alike:
1. “An illustrated guide to tattoo.. . . TAJ Books
International LLP, 2011. Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved;
tight, bright, clean and especially sharp-cornered.“
2. “Clarice Bean, guess who’s babysitting? Candlewick Press,
2011. Particularly and surprisingly well-preserved; tight, bright, clean
and especially sharp-cornered.”
So well-preserved for books published as far back as 2011. It
must be those sharp corners that keep those tattooists and babysitters at
bay.
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Useful information no. 5:
“This book is shelved in the Art by Artist section of our retail store and
may require extra shipping time.”
Translation: It may require extra time for us to find
it.
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Useful information no. 7:
“Yes indeed, this 454 page beauty which contains 60 plates, being an
increasingly well respected and energetically applauded offering it is proudly
presented with great and well deserved hubris . . . in the publishers ORIGINAL
binding. Said binding being magnificently ornate red gilt graphics and titles on
blazing red cloth. And this baby is rock solid, tight and clean, AAA all the
way, save for thwe very slightest rubs to corners and spine ends, totally
unnoticeable. On the cover is a totally detailed gold embossed design of the
facade of the museum, still bright. TEG and still bright also. Alas, when all is
said and done and the proverbial geese have come home to nest or roost, or
whatever, and you're ready to decide to invest some of your hard-earned cash in
this lofty offering, please consider that this book does indeed have the four
absolute uppermost qualities we. . . since 1931 have always sought, and
demanded, in books: 1) excellence in content, 2) literary quality, 3) appealing
design, and 4) significance of contribution. Another great altruistic offering
opportunity for us and an even greater opportunity for self-actualized reception
on your part. But enough of the lugubrious however allegorically wise
jaw-jacking, enough said of the telluric parameters of select . . . offerings
such as this one which take on a life of their own and speak so very loudly for
themselves. Read to learn and enjoy; go forth to share and enjoin. Research,
analysis, dissertation, lucubrations or just enjoyment, this is the one. ACTUAL
BOOK FOR SALE PICTURED. PLEASE DOUBLE CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE. And even if
you're not interested at this time, THANKS for looking!. Artsy Hardcover.
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How to write a book description, lesson no. 1:
“Book Description: Book Condition: Used: Good. One of the Illustrated
Handbooks of Practical Art 149 pp w/index, lots of Chinese
export<p>Publisher: Sampson, Low, Marston<br>Place
of Publication: London/New York<br>Date of Publication:
1883<br>Edition: 1st Am Edition<br>Binding:
Hardbound<br>Condition: Stiff boards, ex-library, incredibly great
line engraving illust<br>Keywords: China/Japan, English,
Corea/Korea, German/French<br><p> Bookseller
Inventory # PENNINK000393I”
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good is preferable to poor, so buy it!:
“This book is in good shape; spine ends & corners chipped, edgeworn,
boards & textblock edges lightly soiled, front board cracked at gutter, rear
board starting, bookplate to front pastedown, small ink stamp to half title page
& preface, previous owner's name to front free endpaper, half title page
& front blank, tissue paper at frontis piece missing, tiny chip to table of
contents page, pages 83, 84 + plate reglued, bottom corner of pages 115- 118
creased.”
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Limitations thrown to the wind:
“Hardbound, limited to 100 copies of which this is copy
#207”